Judy Antoine asked each of us to reflect on a happy moment in our life; to experience it again with all its sounds, sights, and sensations; to consider what made it so memorable; and to write it on an index card we had been given. Then she asked us to add three more positive events that had occurred in the past two days for which we were grateful—even something as simple as hearing birds singing. Judy reminded us that Oprah has said that a daily exercise of listing three things for which we are grateful can change our lives. Each of us had also received a pretty, blank note card; Judy asked us to take it home and, during the week, write a note to someone for whom we are grateful
Tanya Atwood-Adams was the first to share an experience that inspired feelings of gratitude. Tanya lives in a parsonage that is located on a busy street between two highways, making the setting very noisy and, to her, unpleasant. Two summers ago, she noticed that frogs had come to live in a water trough near her house. As the summer warmed, the trough became filled with pollywogs. This past summer, she added two more water troughs, and the frogs brought their friends and family. Pollywogs appeared again, and as they grew, the frogs sang a pleasant song. By late summer, the singing was such a delight that Tanya and her family would bring blankets outside to sit on the lawn and enjoy the chorus. She is filled with gratitude for the renewal that nature brings.
Among the many young people with whom Helen Hudson has worked were two who were battling leukemia. Edward and Eunique lit up a room with their smiles, said Helen, and they had no complaints about their sickness. Throughout their hospitalizations and treatments, they supported each other and shared their strength. As one way of helping these youngsters, Helen began her efforts to increase the number of African-Americans registered to be bone-marrow donors. Sadly, Edward died a week ago, and Eunique followed two days later. Helen was grateful to be with Eunique as her pain subsided and peace came over her face. Helen believes that Edward intentionally went first and was there to welcome Eunique when it was her time to pass.
Tristan Elrod is organizing a musical event for at-risk youth in the city. Despite the difficult week that she has had, she is grateful for the strong support that Helen Hudson has provided as she has faced negativity from those who say “it can’t be done” or who refuse to help. Tristan is grateful for all the strong women who have assisted her and is thankful for the stalwart women of WTB.
Debbie Virgo works as director of volunteers at the Center for New Americans. She considers her job, which is part of our local refugee resettlement program, to be the best in the world, because daily she sees the goodness of people. Despite the hassles of donations and scheduling, Debbie is surrounded by people who want to help. Last month, Debbie traveled to Thailand to visit a refugee camp through which many Burmese pass on their way to Syracuse. Debbie appreciated this opportunity to witness firsthand the similarities and differences in the way people of various cultures live. She came home feeling reflective, grateful to be part of the human race.
Jen Mayo is a nurse practitioner with St. Joseph’s Hospital’s palliative care team. The team’s goal is to make terminally ill patients as physically and emotionally comfortable as possible. People asking about her job often assume it is sad or depressing, but Jen said it is more often joyful, loving, heartwarming, tender and, above all, gratifying.
Jen told of a cancer patient whose wife was extremely adversarial with his caregivers. Jen realized that the woman was trying to cope with the imminent loss of her husband. Jen took the time to sit with her, talk with her, and especially listen to her. The woman began to trust Jen and came to realize that she could not control her husband’s disease; she became willing to cooperate with his goal of dying at home. As the couple was leaving the hospital, Jen gave the woman a hug goodbye; a moment later the woman, as she was walking away, turned, winked, and blew Jen a kiss. This affirmation filled Jen with gratitude that she had been able to help these people.
Another dying patient asked Jen to arrange a meeting with his two adult sons, saying that he had been lying to them. During the meeting with his sons, he was able to explain his plans to be buried next to his friend, Joe, and his desire to spend his final days at Francis House, within walking distance of his sons’ homes. When Jen visited with this man during the days before his departure from the hospital, he cried tears of joy because he was now in control of the time he had left. Jen feels honored that she is in a position to help patients and their families; she is grateful to be able to give, but even more grateful for what she receives.
Nancy Riffer is a board member of Ibtida, a foundation that has built six schools in rural Pakistan since 1999. One of the schools, which WTB funded, has been in operation long enough that it now needs a high school, with science labs and specialized teachers. A group on the US west coast made a commitment to fund the high school and has already raised $1200. As relations between the governments of the United States and Pakistan have grown more strained, the positive feelings that American-funded schools have generated among the Pakistani people have become very important. Three of Ibtida’s schools, located in extremely rural areas of southeastern Pakistan, were built with USAID money; that money has run out, and Ibtida is trying to find schools in the United States that will pair up with these Pakistani schools. The schools’ Pakistani teachers are not fluent in English, but they are determined to write thank-you letters to teachers in the US.
Muna Alany told the story of her arrival this spring from Iraq. She and her children were met at Hancock Airport and taken to an apartment. She almost immediately attended a WTB meeting, where she was made welcome. After being here only two weeks, Muna was hospitalized and underwent surgery. Two WTB women, Liz Spence and Gay Montague, cared for Muna’s children for the two weeks of her hospitalization, taking the children to visit her everyday; Tanya Atwood-Adams, as hospital chaplain, was also a great help. Gay found bicycles for Muna’s children and a dentist for her son. Muna expressed her gratitude for the support she has received and for the kind nature of the American people.
Judy Antoine revealed her lifelong struggle with gratitude. Judy suffered abuse as a child, yet her mother, despite being aware of the situation, refused to acknowledge it. Judy said her mother was a Pollyanna, constantly wanting her to act happy. Judy always felt that her mother did not accept her for who she was, and that she wanted Judy to be different. Judy became aware of Oprah’s challenge to think of three things every day to be grateful for—but Judy could not think of even one element of her life for which she was grateful, let alone three every day! Nevertheless, Judy wanted to change. So, although she hated it, she forced herself to try listing three things every day. She soon found that because she was trying to concentrate on the good things of life instead of wallowing in the bad, she was constantly reminding herself, “I must remember this tomorrow,” whenever she encountered a fleeting pleasure. Judy is glad that the title of this meeting is “cultivating an attitude of gratitude” because for her it has been a task, something she had to want to do. Today Judy meditates every morning and then gives thanks. She now finds it hard to stop at just three things. She finds gratitude in strange circumstances, such as cancer or a fight with a friend or family member. She can now look at difficult situations as experiences she can learn from.
Sharing
Joan Burstyn said that ten years ago, while she was teaching at Syracuse University, she had a student in her writing class who was depressed and struggling with an assignment about diversity. After discussing this problem with her student, Joan suggested that the young woman write about her family, especially about her mother who seemed to be the source of her depression. As the young woman questioned her mother, she learned that as a teenager her mother had become pregnant with an interracial child and, under pressure from her family, had given up the infant for adoption. Recently Joan received a packet from her former student, containing a letter and a copy of her assignment from that earlier time. Joan’s student, deciding that she wanted to do something for her mother, had a private detective follow up on the information she had about the child. The detective was successful, locating her half-brother who is now a biologist. The young woman and her family have been so happy to meet him. Joan feels gratitude that she was able to send her student on a path that led to such a satisfying conclusion.
Kathy Mezzo described a day when she was upset by what she perceived as ill treatment by “The System.” Leaving her office, filled with anger and fury, she found herself driving behind a car with the license plate 4GIVE. Kathy’s feeling of injustice dissipated, and she was brought to tears, deciding to love despite another person’s bad behavior. That car happened to have belonged to Joan Burstyn! Kathy is grateful for being behind Joan that day.
Renee-Noelle Felice shared another story of the WTB support system. Learning that a WTB member had to travel at a time when her beloved dog was critically ill, Renee-Noelle, along with Liz Spence, stepped in to care for the dog who, as he recovered, rewarded their attention with doggy kisses. Renee-Noelle is grateful to be included in the WTB family.
Lakesha Martin-Hargrett said she is grateful to be among WTB women today. She had grown up believing that she had to be perfect. But her biological family and the family sent to her by God have let her know that perfection is not required. She has come to realize that her life’s lessons—the challenges, the trials, the tribulations—have given her a greater understanding of the problems of others and have enabled her to help them as she has been helped. Her pastor says, “You are blessed because you give,” and she is grateful to have learned that lesson.
Betty Lamb said that every WTB meeting is a blessing. She has had many problems in her life, including her father’s early death and her daughter’s struggle with multiple sclerosis. But she recently visited a cousin in Dayton, where she experienced two beautiful days of reconnection, a joyous event for which she feels much gratitude.
Daryl Files talked about the holidays, when her adult children have to make decisions about which family to share meals with. Daryl loves to have family around her, but sometimes that does not work out. She made everyone laugh when she described her day yesterday, doing nothing but watching two schmaltzy movies. Although neither movie was meant to be thought provoking, she found herself drawn in by the characters: lonely street people who befriend, or are befriended by, equally lonely strangers and who recognize in one another the start of new family. Daryl is grateful that even in fiction, our human need for one another is recognized.
Betsy Wiggins reminded the audience that WTB has sponsored three women through Women for Women International. Our second match, Helen, was a Sudanese woman who faced incredible obstacles: no job, no skills, no money, no education. Helen graduated from the program and reports that she now has vocational skills; is active in her community and makes family decisions; has self-confidence, friendships, and a support system; and has learned about her civil rights. Helen is thankful to us for supporting her during this time of transition. Betsy, in turn, expressed gratitude to the women of WTB for providing this support.
Georgette Nicholaides, a college professor, is grateful that students feel comfortable coming to her to tell about themselves. She is grateful that she is able to give back.
Tori DeAngelis is grateful to Betsy for planting the seed of love that began WTB and to Danya for picking up the ball and cultivating that seed. Tori said she comes from “a family of neurotic artists” for whom service is not important. WTB has changed Tori’s heart and opened new doors. The group has given her the opportunity to give more and share more.
Tanya concluded by saying that the best kind of giving is thanksgiving, but that our culture does not encourage this. At today’s meeting, we have celebrated the mindful practice of gratitude, giving thanks for events both large and small, affirming that life itself is a gift. Gratitude fills us with love and happiness, and this abundance overflows into all creation.
Tanya distributed a pebble to each woman.
She then asked us to reflect, in silence, about a woman, not a blood relative,
who has impacted us with her love and her generosity of spirit. Our pebbles are
symbolic of how our thoughts and actions create a ripple effect, carrying the
potential to change the world. Although these pebbles seem physically small,
their effects are far reaching. We were then invited to drop the pebble into a
pool of water, which had been placed in the center of the room, while saying
aloud the name of that woman and watching the ripples spread.