{"id":7753,"date":"2005-02-06T17:10:52","date_gmt":"2005-02-06T21:10:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wtb.org\/?p=7753"},"modified":"2018-12-27T16:07:23","modified_gmt":"2018-12-27T20:07:23","slug":"intercultural-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/?p=7753","title":{"rendered":"Intercultural Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Phoebe Vitharana<\/strong> was born and\nraised in the United States. She has been married for ten years to a man who was\nraised in Sri Lanka. She and her husband met at the international club of a\nsmall Midwestern university. Drawn to his sense of humor, she also liked the\nfact that, having grown up in a Buddhist country that had at one time practiced\nsocialism, he had a broader cultural perspective than she did having grown up\nin the US.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phoebe presented several vignettes capturing some of her\nmemories of life spanning two cultures. She and her husband enjoy traveling\ntogether, and one of their favorite countries to visit is Mexico. Phoebe fits\nin well because she speaks Spanish, and her husband fits in well because of his\ncomplexion. When she asks for directions in Mexico, the person often responds\nto her husband, assuming that he knows Spanish because he looks more Mexican\nthan she does. When they are shopping, a store clerk will often assume that\nthey are not together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phoebe and her husband were married in a small wedding in the\nUS; a year later, they were married for the second time in a much larger\nceremony in Sri Lanka. Phoebe was not prepared for her Sri Lankan wedding, which\nwas planned by her mother-in-law while she and her husband were touring the\ncountry. The ceremony took place in a hotel where a lovely altar had been built.\nBoth Phoebe and her husband were surprised when drummers showed up for the\nwedding. Phoebe wore a beautiful sari, but her husband and most of the other men\nwore western clothes. Phoebe\u2019s mother, who had never been out of the US, was\nable to attend and described the wedding as being like a National\nGeographic<\/em> event. Phoebe said that although intercultural marriages\nwere uncommon in her mother\u2019s generation, her mother has always been\nopen-minded and has handled Phoebe\u2019s marriage well. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Phoebe observed that whereas it is often said that opposites\nattract, she feels that opposites know what to respect in each other and what\nto accept as being different. She pointed to many similarities in her and her\nhusband\u2019s personalities, such as their love for travel and the value they place\non higher education. They have supported each other as he earned a PhD and as she\nworks toward her second master\u2019s degree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arlene Baker<\/strong>, who became a\nMuslim in her 30s, was born in the United States. She and her husband, who was\nborn a Muslim, were married in Jordan two and a half years ago. Her marriage has\nhad both trials and blessings as well as many challenges. Shortly after they\nwere married, Arlene had to return to the States because of her teenaged son.\nHer husband came here later, but because he went to work with his brother who\ndoes not reside in Syracuse, she and her husband have been together less than a\nyear of their marriage. In Jordan, this type of separation is not uncommon\nbecause men often must travel far from their families to find work. Not only\nare there cultural differences between her and her husband, there is also an\nage gap: He is ten years younger than she is, and he wants to go out with his\nunmarried friends, whereas most of her friends are married. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite the difficulties, there are things that have held\nthem together, including their shared of love for their religion and their love\nfor family. Her family, which is Southern Baptist, has had to cope with her\nconversion to Islam as well as her marriage to a Muslim. His family was very\nexcited about their marriage, and Arlene feels torn between her family in the United\nStates and her family in Jordan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuya deWaal Malefye<\/strong> was born and\nraised in Mongolia. She comes from a very close family and has had many\ninternational relationships. Tuya speaks Russian, English, German, and Spanish\nin addition to her native Mongolian. She has had many Russian and German\nfriends and was acquainted with intercultural marriages because, she said,\nGerman men like Mongolian women. She worked for the Mongolian government in an\ninternational medical organization. Since coming to the US, she has traveled in\n37 different states. She likes the diversity of the United States and came to\nSyracuse because her mother\u2019s best friend, who accompanied her to the WTB\nmeeting, lives here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tuya met her American husband three years ago at their church\nin Jamesville. They were engaged for a year and have been married for seven\nmonths. He is studying medicine and completes her in many ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judy Antoine<\/strong> grew up with\nmissionary parents in Chile. Immersed as she was in two cultures, she has always\nbeen comfortable in mixed relationships. Her husband grew up in Haiti and immigrated\nto the United States in 1969. They met in Mexico as students, he in\narchitecture and she in Spanish literature. Having grown up in Chile, away from\nthe racism of the US, Judy had no reservations about dating a person of African\ndescent. She assumed, incorrectly, that her parents would not have a problem\nwith this either. When her mother found out, however, she cried and cried,\nfearing what Judy\u2019s and her husband\u2019s lives would be like if they moved back to\nthe States and worrying about the children they would have. Judy and her\nhusband were married first in Mexico in 1973 by a justice of the peace and\nlater in New York. Her mother wrote a beautiful poem on the occasion of their\nmarriage. Later, Judy found a very moving journal article that her mother had\nwritten about the experience; the article was in the form of a letter to God\nand was intended to be revised and submitted to Guideposts<\/em>\nand Family Circle<\/em>. In it, Judy\u2019s mother affirms\nJudy\u2019s choice, knowing it was right, but fearing the pain that Judy and her\nchildren would suffer because of the racial prejudice of others. To Judy\u2019s\nknowledge, the article was never published. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judy\u2019s husband\u2019s family accepted her with no reservations. His\nparents had an intercultural marriage, his father being of Lebanese heritage\nand his mother being full-blooded Haitian. Several of their daughters had\nmarried Caucasians from the US. Even though the family embraced her openly,\ntimes with them were difficult for Judy because they spoke Creole, which she\ncould not understand, and so she felt left out. Only after several years of\npleading by their son did they agree to speak English (which they knew how to\nspeak) in Judy\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 1974, Judy and her husband moved here so that he could\nfinish his architectural degree at Syracuse University. Suddenly, her warm,\naffectionate husband became very conscious about any physical contact with her in\npublic because of the cold, judgmental stares they received from others. After\nunsuccessfully trying to rent an apartment in Baldwinsville, they settled on\nSyracuse as their home. It was very difficult for Judy to witness the change in\nher husband\u2019s self-esteem. She found herself in two worlds: one as a white\nwoman where she would hear racist jokes, the other where she witnessed the pain\nand degradation that her husband and children had to endure. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Judy feels lucky to have raised her children in Syracuse\nbecause there are many biracial couples here. Her husband, however, is not only\nblack but was raised in a different culture. He has worked very hard to be\naccepted by the African-American community and now is respected by many. Her\nson had black friends in elementary school and college but not in middle or\nhigh school. It has been difficult for Judy to watch her children be different\nand be treated differently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A year and a half ago, Judy\u2019s college-aged daughter announced\nthat she was converting to the Islamic faith. As Judy has struggled with her\ndaughter\u2019s conversion, she has come to realize that her mother must have had\nthe same feelings when Judy married. Judy\u2019s husband worries about their\ndaughter\u2019s safety, as Judy\u2019s mother worried about Judy\u2019s. It is difficult for\nJudy to see people stare at her daughter dressed as a Muslim. Judy has cried\nover the pain that she herself suffered from being different and that her\ndaughter will now suffer as well. Yet she also knows that her life has been\nenriched, and she would never trade it for another. Her husband and children\nhave shown her what it is like to live as a minority in this country, and they provide\na different way of seeing the world. The challenge has made her a better person.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Women talked about some challenges of being married to someone from another country, another faith or another race.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[15,16],"class_list":["post-7753","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-programs","tag-christianity","tag-islam",""],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7753","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7753"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7753\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8499,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7753\/revisions\/8499"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7753"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7753"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7753"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}