Hetty Gingold introduced the program by saying that the silence concerning sexual preference bothers her, and she is delighted that WTB has decided to open a conversation about it. Hetty read our \u201csafe place declaration,\u201d which is particularly important as we discuss this very personal topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hetty reviewed the recent history concerning\nhomosexuality. Until 1973, the American Psychological Association defined\nhomosexuality as a mental illness, even prescribing shock therapy to \u201ccure\u201d the\n\u201cproblem.\u201d The military has recently repealed its \u201cdon\u2019t ask, don\u2019t tell\u201d\npolicy. And marriage-equality acts are being debated in many forums.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To make our discussion clear, Hetty reviewed\nthe terminology in common use:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sex<\/em> is\nthe scientific term for biological differences between males and females. Sex is\nidentified typically at birth, on the basis of identifiable genitalia; but in\nthe case of some babies, there are anomalies that make the determination\ndifficult. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Gender<\/em>\nrefers to the socially determined characteristics of each sex (such as hairstyles,\nuse of makeup, gestures, etc.).<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gender identity<\/em> refers to how people perceive their own internal sense of\nmaleness or femaleness. Thus, transgender persons feel that their birth sex\ndoes not match what they feel to be their true sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sexual orientation<\/em> describes us in terms of whom we fall in love with or are\nsexually attracted to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hetty enumerated the aspects that all of us women\nwant in our lives. First, we want to self-define our gender roles. We want to\ndecide for ourselves whether we wear high heels, whether we\u2019re tomboys, whether\nwe prefer to wash dishes or mow the lawn, whether to be parents. Next, we want\nmeaningful careers\u2014and today, more options are open to women than ever before. Unfortunately,\nsalaries of women are still lower than those of men. Women expect equal\nprotection and equal rights, but these are frequently not granted to lesbian\nwomen. Gay partners were given legal visitation rights in hospitals only as\nrecently as 2004. The marriage-equality act is stalled in New York State,\neffectively depriving homosexuals the legal benefits conferred by marriage: spousal\ninsurance, joint tax filing, and Social Security and pension benefits, among\nmany others. Married women are proudly identified by wedding rings and the\ntitle \u201cMrs.,\u201d but homosexuals are expected to \u201cDon\u2019t Tell.\u201d Recently, Florida\noverturned its anti-gay adoption law. Many churches shame or shun gay\nindividuals who have grown up in their parishes. Although all women want\nsupport from family, friends, and community, the fact is that up to 65% of LGBT\n(lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) seniors live alone versus 33% of seniors\nin the general population. And recently, there have been at least six suicides\nof gay teens who were being harassed by their peers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hetty showed a YouTube video of Secretary of\nState Hillary Clinton speaking against the bigotry and hatred that is sometimes\ndirected against gay youth. Speaking specifically to these teens, she told them\nthat, \u201cYour life is important.\u201d Ms. Clinton said that America is the story of\npeople tearing down barriers against religious, ethnic, and racial minorities,\nagainst women, and now against LGBT individuals. Ms. Clinton urged teens to\ntake heart from this country\u2019s past progress and to have hope for their own\nfutures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Hetty explained that six women would tell\ntheir personal stories of coming of age and becoming comfortable with their\nlesbian orientation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Rose Miller began, wiping her eyes after the moving YouTube video. She began by saying that she had found it hard to choose what story to tell today, because her identity as a lesbian ties into every part of her life. So she chose to tell a story she called \u201cLoss and Religion.\u201d As a child, Rose lived with her grandfather, an Italian Catholic immigrant. At age five, Rose was enjoying pilgrimages to religious sites; at age seven, she kept a scrapbook about Pope Pius XII; at age 10, she was scrapbooking a new pope, John XXIII; at age 16, she worked in a Catholic hospital and attended mass six days a week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the 1950s and \u201860s, no TV shows had gays or\nlesbians, who were widely known as \u201cperverts.\u201d In her 20s, Rose fell in love\nwith a woman and recognized a conflict with her religion. When she discussed\nher confusion with a priest, she was counseled to remain celibate and not to get\ninvolved with a woman. Rose felt rejected, but over the years she continued to\ntry other churches and consult other priests. The Catholic prohibitions against\nhomosexuality also caused alienation from her family, crossing generations. Although\nshe had been very close to her nieces and nephews, they rejected her in the\n1970s when they became aware of her sexual orientation. Her oldest nieces\nrefused to see her, stating that accepting her would be sinful, and that her\npresence would be a bad influence on their children. Rose is heartbroken that\nshe will never know these younger family members. One of her sisters visits her\nregularly but doesn\u2019t want her friends to know that she has a lesbian sister. Rose\u2019s\nbrother prays for her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Our next speaker was Suzanne Gilmour, who\nspoke about \u201cVoice.\u201d She asked us to raise our hands if our parents had high\nexpectations for us. As most of us raised our hands, she traced the path that\nthose expectations had put on her: primary school line leader, active Girl\nScout, church youth leader, girls\u2019 sports organizer. Suzanne described these\naccomplishments as giving voice to everyone in the groups she led\u2014but no voice\nto her as a lesbian. She called this \u201chuman doing\u201d rather than \u201chuman being.\u201d\nShe eventually had an impressive resume but no \u201cpersonal side.\u201d Her inner core\nhad not been addressed, at least until she was much older.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Diane Johnson started by agreeing with\nSuzanne, that she too had been clueless about herself. She was in a convent for\n7\u00bd years, then married, had a daughter, then divorced. Finally she met Joan,\nwith whom she had a loving relationship for 20 years, until Joan\u2019s recent death.\nDiane recalled that in their early days together, she and Joan went to a party\nof homosexual people, most of them women. Although some of the women stood out\nas \u201clipstick dykes,\u201d she realized that most of them were as average as she and\nJoan. More recently, Diane has attended Services Advocacy for LGBT Elders\n(SAGE) meetings, and again, most of the people she meets there are like\nherself. Diane explained that she had not planned this part of her life, but\nwith Joan she found love and companionship that she had found nowhere else. She\nwishes for us that we all are partnered with someone we love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Lois Needham described her upbringing as\nlower-class Irish Catholic. She had five sisters and was always different from\nthe rest. She was blonde instead of dark-haired, wanted to play outdoors, hated\ndressing up, and for Christmas wanted a gun-and-holster set. She hated makeup,\nproms, and dates. Lois felt like a foreigner but didn\u2019t have words to talk\nabout her profound loneliness. In ninth grade she tried to kill herself at a\nschool picnic. In the 1970s Lois self-medicated with alcohol and drugs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n A tenth-grade teacher who wore no makeup, wore\na men\u2019s sports jacket over her mandatory dress, and spoke and laughed loudly\nbecame a role model for Lois. She is not surprised that this teacher soon lost\nher job. When Lois was a senior in high school, she had her first girlfriend, a\ngirl as confused and searching as Lois herself. Lois has now been with Rose for\n16 years. She said her struggles have made her more compassionate. She is glad\ntoday\u2019s LGBT kids have role models.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kim Dill works at SAGE Upstate. As a kid she\nalways felt lonely and had no guidance. In her early 20s she \u201ccame out,\u201d but\nshe knew of no organizations that she could turn to, wasn\u2019t aware of anyone else\nwho was gay, and knew her family and friends would not accept her once she \u201ccame\nout\u201d as lesbian. When AIDS surfaced, hysteria and prejudice became rampant. Although\nas a child she knew that she wanted to have children, she let go of that idea\nbecause the \u201880s was not a good climate. Instead she became politically\ninvolved. In 1997 she met Amy, and they now have 2 children, an eight-year-old\ngirl and a two-year-old boy. Kim and Amy are proactive and open with teachers\nand other parents about their children having two moms. Happily, this has not\nbeen a problem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kim has been a director at SAGE Upstate for\nseven years. She explained that older LGBT individuals have been through many\nchanges in the social climate and are less likely to have family support or\nchildren they can rely on. Although they lack these supports, they are less\nlikely to reach out to services for fear they will be treated unfairly. SAGE\nUpstate offers support groups, health programs, education for providers, and\nsocial activities to help older LGBT people come together and create support\nnetworks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Barbara Crawford is the straight mother of\nKim\u2019s partner, Amy. At the time her daughter revealed her sexual preference,\nBarb had been priding herself on being accepting. However, reality brought\nfear. People had always thought of Amy as a person who was fun to be with. Barb\nwas concerned that no one would see \u201cAmy\u201d any more, but instead would just see\nher orientation. Barb went to the support group Parents, Family, and Friends of\nLesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Barb explained that because parents don\u2019t know\nhow to discuss this issue either, it is widely agreed that, \u201cWhen kids come out<\/em> of the closet, the parents go in<\/em>.\u201d The support meetings were a\nblessing, because Barb met and talked with people that she wouldn\u2019t have met\notherwise. Barb said that formerly she was meek and quiet, but in support of\nher daughter she has become an outspoken activist. The family recognizes that the\nrights that most people take for granted are denied to Amy. When Amy\u2019s sister,\nwho is straight, was getting married, she was sad that Amy was not allowed to\nmarry the person she loved. Amy has fewer rights than do her mother and her sister.\nAmy\u2019s and Kim\u2019s children also have fewer rights, including Social Security\nbenefits if the \u201cother\u201d mother dies.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After our speakers finished, we broke into smaller groups to ask questions and continue the discussion. Dialogue was lively, concern was genuine, and laughter was frequent. At the end of our discussion time, we reconvened in a circle to sing a song, the chorus of which is,\u00a0 \u201cI see your true colors shining through\u2026and that\u2019s why I love you\u2026\u201d along with a video of Cindi Lauper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Resources:<\/p>\n\n\n\n American Academy of Pediatrics (http:\/\/www.aap.org<\/a>) Recommended videos: In contrast to the the more common “don’t ask, don’t tell’ approach, WTB invited several gay women and their families to talk about their experiences and invited everyone to engage in dialogue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[23,20],"class_list":["post-7396","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-programs","tag-advocacy","tag-dialogue",""],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7396","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7396"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8465,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7396\/revisions\/8465"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wtb.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
American Psychological Association (http:\/\/www.apa.org<\/a>
Empire State Pride Agenda (http:\/\/www.prideagenda.org<\/a>
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (http:\/\/www.thetaskforce.org<\/a>
PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) (http:\/\/www.pflagsyracuse.org<\/a>
SAGE Upstate (Serving Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Central New Yorkers as They Age) (http:\/\/www.sageupstate.org<\/a>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For the Bible Tells Me So<\/em>
Anyone and Everyone<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"